Last Time: After Clementine and Juan graduated, the whole family - including the spares, a couple significant others, and the illegitimate babydaddy of three members of generation two - packed up and moved to a little town called Elsewhere; not all in the same house, of course! Clementine took over as lady of the house, Carmen and Malcolm enjoyed their dotage, biology was ignored in favor of convenience, and I started to wonder if I should play shorter periods of time between updates so I won't have to deal with so many birthdays.
This Time: An heir emerges victorious based entirely on ability to attract a potential lime green babymaker, there is much flirtation (particularly of the teenage lesbian variety), Sonny is a stereotype, Tiffany gets a boyfriend, the old folks get kind of senile, and somebody dies (dun dun duuun).
Carmen's founder portrait got lost in the move, and she ended up having to paint her own because Malcolm was busy painting Clementine's.
Or at least, that was his cover story while he plotted nuclear war with Rambo Jr.
Tiffany was getting lonely, so the twins went downtown to get a new dog. Meet Dillard.
Sonny couldn't care less about dogs, he spent the entire time (including not just dog purchasing, but Canary hitting on all six teenage girls who wandered in while they were there) playing with fishies.
Like all the women in the family, Canary is musically inclined.
Carmen wants to see some goddamn puppies while she's still around, dammit.
Happy to oblige, apparently. I've never seen dogs get their relationship so high so fast.
On a grocery shopping trip, Carmen ran into her daughter-in-law on a rare run off her little island and chatted her up for a while.
Malcolm digs what Carmen's laying down.
IDK I love Juan this picture serves no purpose. Hi Juan.
Horny old people.
This picture is one of the first things they bought when Malcolm moved in and he is just now noticing it A+ observational skillz.
Treadmills are hard.
Carmen likes to feel ~sexy~ while she cooks.
...also while she jams with Clementine ok now the lingerie is getting weird.
Tiffany is a bitchy pregnant lady.
Canary wanted to get some drums to round out the family girl group.
Ducky needs to get into private school.
And everything was going just fine...
...until Carmen randomly hopped up in the middle of dinner for a skinny dip.
Headmaster frowns on naked old people, k. It distracted him from putting the moves on Canary, I guess.
ZOMG the neighbors have grills whoa.
Poor Malcolm always gets stuck cleaning up after the dogs he has no interest in.
Hey hey not too close the headmaster already thinks you're shady.
This time he sat next to Canary for maximum flirtations. They have two bolts that is kind of skeevy, sir. You are in a position of authority.
Whatever works, though.
Canary needed to get the creepy adult stink off her so she snuck out with her girl from the beach.
And Malcolm set the kitchen on fire.
He had to, 'cause he heard his friend sign on and he had to talk about how stupid this guy he's never met is.
BUT now I know the firefighter is green and not unattractive. This will be useful next generation.
That is inappropriate. Shame on you.
Hey those are Canary's drums. You were just pretending to be her friend so you could steal her drums. JERK.
All that rich headmaster-impressing food bumped Clementine into the next weight class. She wears it well.
PUPPY yay I want a puppy. Puppyyyyy. Puppy is a girl named Macy. Puppypuppy.
Since hardly anyone ever uses the pool, they cut it in half and planted a garden on the extra land.
Canary and beach girl (Tina) went on a date.
Kissed girl, liked it, etc.
Really liked it.
Tina is a big big fan of backrubs.
Yay! He figured out the treadmill *gold star*
Sonny prefers men and also prefers to be kind of a stereotype so would I please buy him a makeover chair. He got it right the first try, too.
Not the second, though.
CARMEN there are better ways to get out of having a makeover! :( :( :( :(
Clementine had to watch the whole episode. :(
Goodbye Carmen, you were a pretty awesome founder and I'm sorry you didn't spend as much of your old lady years in a bikini as your adult life.
Malcolm was not exactly happy when he got home from work and found out what happened.
Juan and Clementine both needed friends for work so he went downtown shirtless so people would like him more.
With Carmen gone, Malcolm and Rambo talk about cheerier things than total nuclear annhilation of politically strategeric countries.
And he spends lots of time puttering around the garden.
Sonny is a born makeoverist.
...what a caring daughter you are.
Juan thinks it's hot when Clementine wishes to mess with life and death itself.
The twins went downtown and this is where Sonny confirmed his heirness (I'd pretty much decided anyway, but this clinched it) - I sent him to the dance sphere but when he got there someone was using it. So he went out back and started chatting up this handsome lime greeny fellow about love.
Yes yes tell him you'll be all grown up soon. GOOD WORK, land him now.
Canary is displeased with the turn of events. Sorry you weren't ambitious enough in the babydaddy(mommy) department, birdlady.
Neither Juan or the puppy have been spammed enough *remedies this*
That was cuter when you were a kid, y'know.
...never mind, whatever helps you land a guy to practice awkward teenage flirty makeouts with before you grow up and get married.
While they were getting to know each other, Canary went on yet another date. Girl wears way too much makeup, but she did give Canary a vase.
Sonny and Lemonade Boy hit it off well.
And of course Sonny can't pass up the opportunity to give a makeover. I apparently forgot to take a picture of the aftermath, though. SUSPENSE.
Juan got the athletic career reward, so he spends most of his time being badass.
Canary provides hot beats for him to work out to.
Sonny is the champion of keeping himself entertained.
Birthday! For a present, have the least supportive family ever. One didn't bother to cheer, one took so long walking over he missed the actual birthday and just got to clean up the cake, and two were at work. At least you have Clementine.
Meh. She's got all Sonny's face issues, plus an extra wonky eyebrow thing, and she's as boring as Canary (without the parade of teenage lesbian loving).
Also Macy grew up and pretty much stole my heart. SO CUTE how does Akita + Dalmatian = Great Dane with spots?
Canary got sick of Juan hogging the punching bag.
Whoo talent badge.
Whoo buff hey monkey lips.
Some woman finally called when Canary wasn't at school or work after trying all week, and they had an outing full of thrilling lesbian love triangulation. Canary got blue cardigan to crush on her, then pink stripey shirt, then cardigan and stripey got all crushy while Canary made friends with someone else. And somehow they avoided any interesting drama. NOT FAIR.
Hey remember that time she was a little kid and Malcolm was talking to her about sex? *creeps out*
That is not a good note to end on. Have some Macy.
She's even a good guard dog!
Although what she's guarding from, I couldn't tell you.